“Tired of responsibilities” — that’s a growing trend nowadays. One significant psychological effect of this mindset is the idea of not wanting to have children, even among people who are financially stable and capable of raising a healthy, well-provided child.
Why is this happening?
Let me walk you through it.
We grow up in a society like India, where family is still considered a strong foundation, deeply valued and respected. Of course, there are shortcomings when it comes to freedom and equality — that’s a discussion for another time — but overall, family remains at the heart of our culture.
So, what’s the connection between this and the trend I just mentioned?
Our parents’ generation — at least most of them — worked tirelessly to build a family where their children could grow up with full financial support: proper education, basic comforts, and security until that “child” (who’s actually about 25 years old by then, not much of a child anymore!) finds a career, gets married, and starts their own life.
This model of family support is unique to societies like India. In most developed countries, you’re on your own after turning 18.
So, we — the so-called “kids” — have grown up well cared for, well supported, and well provided for. Yet, many among us now say:
“Kids are such a huge responsibility; they take too much time and effort. I just want to enjoy my life.”
Enjoy?
This isn’t just about kids. It reflects a deeper fear of responsibility — the tendency to put oneself above everything else. In simpler terms: selfishness.
Think of life as a line. The working population stands in the middle. On one side are children, and on the other side are our parents — both dependents.
As our parents age, they’ll eventually depend on us, just as we once depended on them.
But if we keep saying, “I want to enjoy life; I don’t want the burden of caring for others,” then those very parents may end up in old-age homes.
Many people justify this by pointing to Western ideals, where the family system is collapsing because individuals chose self-happiness over collective care. Ironically, people in those societies are now realizing what they’ve lost and are trying to rebuild the idea of family.
And here we are — experimenting with the same “enjoy life for self” philosophy that led them there in the first place.
The grass is always greener on the other side, isn’t it?
Most of us have grown up in financially secure homes where our parents provided for us until we could stand on our own feet. If we want to emulate the Western lifestyle, then we should also embrace its independence — move out at 18, work, and earn our own bread. Even then, you’d still be responsible enough to raise a child until they turn 18, right?
If we’ve been comfortable relying on our parents’ support until we became financially stable, then we are morally obligated to care for our parents when they grow old — and for our children until they can do the same.
To reject this as “too much responsibility” after receiving so much ourselves is, in my opinion, an act of profound selfishness.
Life runs in cycles. Old age will reach us too. If we want a peaceful, cared-for old age, we shouldn’t shy away from caring for those who depend on us now. Because someday, when we reach the end of the line, we’ll hope that someone in the middle will care for us too.
Anyone who has grown up in a loving, well-provided home but now wants to break the very concept of family — just to escape responsibilities — I have only this to say:
“I ate the fruit,
And swallowed the seed,
Afraid it might grow into a sapling—
Afraid of the care it would need.
So I destroyed what could have become
A tree of beauty, of life,of fruit-bearing grace.”
Yours,
Nilani🌜
